How accepting mediocrity helped my ability to make friends

Hey lovely people,

I spent the weekend in London celebrating my friend Tanvi’s birthday.

It was my first night out with a group of girls in over 5 years and my younger self wouldn’t have believed it.

I’ve spoken about my struggles with making friends on Youtube. I feel like these struggles were a concoction of not meeting the right people, social anxiety and wanting to be the best.

Let me explain that last one.

Growing up, I was an overachiever. I don’t know where it came from, but I always wanted to be top of my class. I thought I was a regular Hermione Granger, and for some reason anything less than perfect equated to failure in my head.

So why did this affect my ability to make friends?

It was not because I was competitive with my peers, it was actually because of 3 other reasons:

1. I was too goal-orientated. I was always looking ahead at what was next and I never stopped to smell the roses or to say hi to people. I wasn't open minded to anything other than what I planned, which meant that I probably ignored any serendipitous moments where I could have met some great people.

2. I was too much of a people pleaser. Wanting to be the best at everything spilled into every area of my life; I wanted to be liked by everyone too. I focused only on what other people were thinking about me and how I could improve myself so that they thought more of me. I had no boundaries.

3. When I realised I wanted more friends, I made it a goal but I treated it like any other goal. I approached it in a practical way by putting myself out there in one-off uncomfortable positions like classes and friendship apps, and when I didn’t see results, I felt hopeless. I took away the human element of making friends.

In the end, my friendships eventually came when I stopped trying.

I got out of my head and focused on doing the things that made me happy. I slowed down enough to focus on what and who was around me. I learned to acknowledge my own emotional needs when it came to friendships. And I embraced the importance of genuine, organic connection.

It’s good to strive to be better, but accepting mediocrity has made me a happier person. A happier person that now has great people around me.

What is your relationship with mediocrity? Do you think our obsession with pushing ourselves to achieve more and more could affect other areas of our life?

🔎 Good finds

How to successfully sell your writing services on Twitter with Alice Lemée- The Copy Corner podcast

Alice Lemée is one of my favourite writers online. She managed to grow her Twitter audience to 10k followers in 13 months by what she refers to as “the lazy girl” method (that's music to my ears). I learnt a lot in this 30 minute listen. I loved Alice’s proactive approach for providing value to people without being asked and the questions she asks herself before she posts on Twitter.

💭 Made you think

If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you speak to yourself, how long would you allow this person to be your friend?

That’s it for the week! I know it’s a shorter one than usual. I’ve had a cold/chest infection since the weekend (this is the second time I’ve been ill this year, what is going on?!) but also, I have some BIG news next week and I’ll be changing the structure of this newsletter as a result. I’ll explain why in next week’s letter.

As always, I'm so grateful you're here. Have a great week ahead!

Love,

Akta

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